Parichay Blog
In Nature’s order of the evolutionary process our children hold the most prestigious position. Nature in grading its creation of living beings in terms of quality, places children at the apex of the structure granting the highest position in the order of the values of living beings. Thus by virtue of holding the top status in terms of Nature’s order of value, our children have the Right of respect. They have the right to be treated with dignity and honour. In fact they have a wider horizon to look towards, a broader base to begin life from a higher altitude to take off in the direction of their choices.
Children’s circle of horizon falls outside the adult’s circle of horizon. The gap between the adult’s circle of horizon and the children’s circle of horizon represents the so-called “Generation Gap”. This generation gap is a natural and everlasting phenomenon between the older and the younger generations. When the older generation refuses to see beyond the circumference of its own horizon; the trouble between the two generations begins. But the awareness of the logic behind the children’s way of responding to their environments opens up a new vista of understanding that helps us to value our children with dignity and pride. “In fact each child is a complete self-contained system developed from the atom and the cell by an evolutionary process to the most complex form of life and mind. A child enters this world with all the potentials of the universe and built-in-systems and assets to grow”.
Considering the status and the attributes - our children bring along in this world we find that there can be nobody greater in this world than our children and children of the entire world regardless of caste, creed, religion, nationality and socio-economic level. They all bring along a universal language to use in their babyhood. They make use of the same universal behaviour patterns to express their ways of fulfilling their natural attributes.
What they want from us is the right of respect for their status and their ways of growth right from the day they are born.
Children are sensitive enough to feel the reflection of respect in the ways parents treat them, in the ways they hold, dress, feed, diaper, talk, play, argue, discipline and accept their point of view.
In fact, the children are born with the same valuable assets and attributes as their parents were born with. Every new generation for the full development of its valuable attributes depends on the older generation.
Thus in order to help a child to develop its built in system and for assets to grow, parents need to develop a vision and learn the required technique of how to:
- Fathom the dynamics of a child’s personality;
- Unlock the child’s innate system of mental and scholastic development;
- Relate and communicate fully in line with the child’s natural process of identity development; and
- Obtain a new vision and new techniques towards the child’s development and education during the first three stages of its development:
(a) Early childhood period i.e. Birth to six years
(b) Middle childhood period i.e. Seven to twelve years, and
(c) Teen age period i.e. Thirteen to nineteen years
While in the beginning of this year all of us at Parichay were planning big celebrations on 20th anniversary, we seldom knew that 2020 will pose an unimaginable crisis for the world and Parichay.
As soon as they came back to Delhi COVID lock down made the life of our kids and their families really difficult as most of the families do not have regular source of income. They could not go to work for several months. From March to June end we collected funds and provided cooked food from Parichay community kitchen, grocery and other essential items to our kids and their family members. Can't thank you enough to Parichay supporters and well wishers who turned up on their own to provide the needed support. Our youths played the key role in relief work throughout this period.
Riots and covid 19 created a big financial crisis. Parichay had to bear unplanned expenditures and loss of revenue. Since February we have not been able to do any spices and handicraft stalls which is the main source of funds for us.
After 7 months our Handicraft and spices unit are functional now. But, we do not see any possibility of doing stalls in near future. We are trying to connect with our regular buyers. If we are able to start supplying spices at regular intervals it will be a big support for the project.
- Vijay Bajpai
Radha came to visit me with her 2 ½ years old son Ravi. Before I could offer Radha a seat and say Hello to Ravi, Ravi attacked my side board. He picked up a glass jar and threw it hard on the ground. I got shocked and Radha felt very sorry about Ravi’s destructive behaviour. She tried to spank him saying ‘that is the reason, I do not take you to anybody’s house. You are so unpredictable’. I held Radha’s hand and said, ‘Ravi let us clean up the broken pieces.’ I collected the broken pieces together with a broom and wiped the place with a wet piece of newspaper. Rave kept watching me standing quietly near the side boar.
In order to avoid any further embarrassment I decided to take Radha and Ravi to the nearby park. Ravi helped me in packing some biscuits and a ball in a bag. He carried the bag as we walked quietly. In the park we paid full attention to Ravi. Watched and talked about some birds and played with the ball. Every time Ravi threw the ball to me, I looked towards him with appreciative eyes. In no time we became friends and enjoyed each other’s company. After a while Radha and Ravi walked back home in silence. Soon after Radha came alone and said, ‘we must buy a similar jar and replace it. We really do not know what to do with the little tyrant. Of course at home he is only allowed to play with his own toys and not anything else. We do keep a control on him and do not trust him with the glassware, Chinaware and other breakable things”.
I could well imagine by the tone of voice and by action of Radha and her husband that how inept and inferior they consider Ravi. Their constant instructions ‘Do not do this; Do not touch this, you may break this; Do not run fast, you may fall’ – not only underestimate Ravi’s ability to handle things aptly but cause so much frustrations in his mind that the moment he finds himself free of control he explodes his pent up energy like a volcano.
Do you know, Radha about all that Ravi learnt yesterday. (1) He got the opportunity to test his strength. He found out that he has the ability to throw a jar hard on the ground. He felt a sense of achievement. (2) He discovered that the jar is made up of a breakable material. (3) The broken pieces of glass must be picked up and thrown into the dustbin.
Radha looked at me surprisingly and said, ‘but what about the loss of a beautiful jar. You cannot get the same in India.’ I said, ‘please relax and listen to me. Ravi is a toddler. He must just emerged out triumphantly from the struggle of babyhood. Now he is a competent walker and talker. Physically, he is becoming more independent of you all the time. Emotionally, he is capturing the feeling of ‘Autonomy’. In many different ways, he is trying to convey that he is his own person. He can do what he wants to do, when he wants to do it. He has a mind of his won. Therefore, any resistance or interference to divert his attention from your side is bound to make him rebellious. He is bound to defy, resist, protest and resent your attitude go against his will.
Now knowing the nature and needs and the purpose of his various moods and behaviour pattern, you may practice the following skills to help him grow according to his natural plan of growth and avoid pitfalls.
Skill to practice:
- Never do for Ravi what he can do for himself. Give him his meal as through you expected him to eat it and enjoy it quite naturally; and leave him alone. Let him have a reasonable amount of time to eat his food and then, if he is obviously not interested or starts to play, simply remove it. Forcing a toddler to eat everything on his plate will lessen his appetite and create ill feeling. Avoid giving him nick nacks in between the meals. His refusal to eat should not upset you. His mealtime should be pleasant and relaxing.
- Fit his environment to his needs. Provide space for running, jumping and climbing. A step stool to reach wash basin dinning table, low hooks to cloths, low shelves to keep things, light and small table and chair which he can easily move from one place to another. Water to splash, clay to model, crayons to draw and many more such things which help him to test his strength and innovative, abilities. Cherish with him, his achievements. Judgements like good, bad, nice should be avoided. Feeling of happiness should be shared with a hug and a kiss.
- As soon as Ravi demonstrates a desire to do things on his own, you must take advantage of it and let him go ahead when ever possible. It is more important to ‘encourage’ the dawning sense of initiative than to be concerned about priorities or mistakes. Emphasis on mistakes is disastrous. It directs the child’s attention from positive to negative and discourages the toddler to go ahead independently. ‘Accept’ each sign or initiative with appreciative eve contact, a hug and a kiss.
- Accept Ravi’s defiant feelings without making him feel guilty and channel his defiant acts into acceptable outlets. Tantrums are the single most violent behaviour of this very turbulent period of toddlerhood in a child’s development. The cause may be trivial such as not being able to pull his socks or tiredness. Leave the toddler to get on with it alone, but stay close or take him away and begin conversing about pleasant things or help him to complete the job.
- Avoid drastic changes. If you have to go out to work and leave your toddler with a friend or relative or maid, or send him to a nursery school, it is important for the toddler to get used to the new person and the new place by gradual steps. A toddler in this period needs a long time to adjust to each of these changes separately.
Acceptance and encouragement are the most important aspects of child raising. Acceptance acts like a fertile soil that permits a tiny seed to develop into the lovely flower, it is capable of becoming. The soil only ‘enables’ the seed to become the flower. It releases the capacity of the seed to grow. Acceptance enables the child to actualise his potentials. Encouragement acts nutrients. Just as a plant needs water to grow, each child needs continuous encouragement to grow, develop and gain a sense of belonging. Lack of encouragement can be considered the basic cause for misbehaviour in a child.’
As I finished talking I found Radha retrieving the broken pieces of the glass jar from the dustbin. ‘What for?’ I asked her. ‘I shall reconstruct the glass jar with araldite.’ She gave me a warm hug and left with wet eyes saying it was she who broke the glass jar and not Ravi.
Sampuran Jeet
Counsellor
Early Childhood Development
Edited by:
Vijay Bajpai
John, a British national who completed his internship with Parichay last year is back in Delhi to undertake more voluntary work with Parichay. In addition to maintaining this website, John had also completed a cupcake fundraiser in London for Parichay recently.
Parichay has supporters all over the world thanks to the variety of interns that have assisted and worked with Parichay directly over the years. Many interns still continue to support Parichay after arriving back in their home countries.
Parichay celebrated Republic Day with true community spirit embodying all the ideals and values that Parichay promotes. All of the preparations were done by the senior children at Parichay in order to foster a sense of responsibility and leadership and also to enhance their management skills.
In order to expand the children's minds it is always good to expose them to various cultures, languages, cuisines and traditions. India has such rich and diverse traditions, history and architecture so there is always something new to be learnt.
Children are the most precious part of human resources. Their energy, intelligence, pursuit of a shared vision & ability to work together can prove to be more fruitful in achieving the universal goal of eliminating the nuclear threat by peaceful techniques.
This year 16 stalls were put in 10 days in various corporate houses. Sale of Rs.1.10 lakh, almost double as compared to last year's Deepawali sale, was recorded. This year we got a bulk order of Deepawali gifts from one of the corporate houses as well.
In the last two months we have been able to conduct and complete awareness activities at school level and community level in one of the targeted areas. I am sending you a presentation giving you glimpses of a few of the activities.
Awareness programs at school level under awareness phase of Gyan Ganga project on mental retardation have been initiated and are moving in full swing in the local schools of the area. Senior kids of non formal education programs, community teachers and other volunteers accompany Vijay Bhaiya to the programs.
At Parichay religious issues are not discussed. But to move beyond close-minded boundaries, Parichay celebrates all religious festivals at the centre. On Friday, 18th September Roza iftar party and beginning of navratri festival was organized.
The initialisation of the project has been delayed by three months. The project was scheduled to start in the month of April 2009 as the schools in India feel free to indulge in activities only in the month of April when the new session starts. The fund from AID, Pittsburgh side was transferred in the month of Dec, 2008 but due to some technical problem we received the first instalment in the month of May 2009. At that time all the schools were having summer vacations.
The Parichay trip was going to be a whole new experience for quite a few reasons. Packed with 16 kids, their enthusiasm was going to match mine at any point of time. I was eager to see the games children play, had in mind a game or two. My game would be something to do with role playing, a military invasion and capture of a hill, or a cab full of pirates in search of the heart of a sea monster, or Don Quixote attacking a windmill.
To me Parichay has been a whole new experience from the very first day I met with Bhaiya. He is so much to tell and I like listening to his experiences about Parichay and about the kids.
Parichay is the first place where I stepped in on to the new world of volunteering. Not many of volunteer get a chance to start learning volunteering from Parichay. It was a fine morning when I, Somen and one more girl Priya met at IIT main gate to move to the project.
I came to Delhi about 4 years back and it was not until January this year that I finally took up something that I had really been craving for, for a very long time, which was "volunteering" for a cause.
Parichay's first step towards developing itself as resource center has been widely appreciated. Four interactive sessions were conducted on the topic "Understanding children and providing a conducive environment for their development". The participants have shown a positive response to the session.
AID Troy had requested a visit to Parichay and see how we can possibly help them come out of the financial crisis that they were facing.
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